Saving you
by Ialwaysshipthedoomedones
Summary: "When your life falls apart, and you don't have the fight to put it back together, I'll pick up the pieces" Ronnie and Carla
1. Chapter 1

_Anyone who can **touch** you_  
><em>Can <strong>hurt<strong> you or **heal** you_  
><em>Anyone who can<strong> reach<strong> you_  
><em>Can <strong>love<strong> you or** leave** you_

She hadn't moved in hours, not even an inch. She sat completely still, her eyes looking forward, glazed over as though she was empty. Hollow. She still held her son in her arms, his limp body flopped in her arms. Weightless and lifeless.

Ronnie closed her eyes, holding them shut then opening them again, looking down at the baby in her arms. Again and again she does this, praying to a God she doesn't believe in that he would move, blink, breathe. But he was gone.

She'd failed again. The one thing in the world she wanted to succeed in and within a few mere hours it was snatched away.

She couldn't breathe. It was like someone's hands were gripped tight around her neck and she couldn't fight it. The pieces of her world were falling down around her feet and she didn't have the energy to reach out and catch them.

She found herself standing over James' cot now, with no recollection of how she'd got there or how long she'd stood with him in her arms, cradling and singing softly to him. She places a fleeting kiss to his forehead and lays him down.

"Your big sister will look after you now baby" She whispers, her voice hoarse as though she hasn't spoken in days.

Ronnie leaves her flat, walking across the square in a daze. People look at her, wondering where she's going and where her baby is but she doesn't stop to answer. She walks and walks until she reaches the tube station, purchasing a one way ticket and settling herself onto a seat in an almost empty train.

Turning to face the window, Ronnie scrunches her eyes tightly, her whole body burns, as though a million people are staring at her, judging her. She feels lost, likes she's floating around in a place she doesn't belong. She hasn't ever really belonged.

Eventually, hours later, Ronnie's train pulls up at her destination and she wonders off, watching as the train speeds off past her, the smoke whirling up into the sky then disappearing.

A bottle of red sits on the counter in front of her, the bottle opener perched next to it, taunting her, teasing her. She had been doing so well but now she could almost taste the red liquor sliding down her throat, easing the tension amongst her tired muscles. She can see his face in front of hers, feel his breathe on her lips, almost making her vomit and it's enough to make her reach for the bottle. But as she does, a knock at the door startles her and she slams the bottle back down in anger.

With a frustrated sigh she opens her door, a ghost like figure greets her as she does.

"Ronnie?"

"Sorry Car, I had no where else to go"


	2. Chapter 2

_**Open** up your heart to me now_,_ let it all come** pouring** out._  
><em>There's <strong>nothing<strong> I can't take._

"What the hell 'appened to you Ron? You look like you could with a glass of me best bottle of red eh babe?" Ronnie didn't answer as she sank down onto the sofa, drinking the glass of wine Carla gave her in mouthful and then curling herself into a ball and laying her head down, her arms wrapped around her knees, trying to shut out the world.

Carla watched her for a while, the way her body seemed smaller somehow, if that were possible. The way her eyes seemed empty, as though they were simply glazed over with a mist.

"So where is he then? At home with the little one I take it?"

"He's dead." Ronnie's voice had no emotion as she said those two words. It didn't even sound like her saying it. She sounded empty, lost, all fighting spirit had long been ripped from her exhausted body.

Carla sat up straight, eyes wide with shock "Jack's dead? What, when Ronnie? What happened?" The thought of losing her only brother killed her inside. It brought her back to the times she had cradled Paul's lifeless body and screamed internally as Liam was wheeled away from her, his body limp, just like his brother's had been.

Jack and Carla had always been close growing up, he'd look out for her, protect her when their mum got so drunk she couldn't see straight, kept her away from men with prying eyes. She'd relied on him, and still did.

He'd moved to London as soon as he'd turned 18 and she'd missed him desperately. He wanted more from life than joining his druggie mates on the street corner and getting off his face, so he'd joined up with the police and Carla had never been more proud. She did all she could to show him she could better herself too, she didn't want to let him down by turning out like their mother.

"Not Jack, not Jack, James. James is dead. He's dead Carla and I left him, I left him there alone and he's dead. He needs me. Oh God Carla he needs me, he needs his mummy!" Ronnie worked herself into a frenzy as she stood up from the sofa, suddenly realising what had happened in the last 24 hours. It hit her like an avalanche, knocking her at full speed.

"I've got to go, what am I doing here? I need to go home, I need to get help. Help, I need to get him help. He was so cold Carla, and he won't cry, I just can't make him cry. I've got to go, I've got to get help. James needs help, he needs my help.

Carla felt relief flood her body knowing that her brother was still alive, but it only took a second for reality to kick in. She felt sick rise to her throat as Ronnie's words washed over her. And them, instinct kicked in.

"Ronnie stop, wait!" Carla ran to the door to stop her leaving, she knew that if she left her alone now that anything could happen. "Ronnie love, calm down. You can't go home now, it's late. Jack will be with James won't he? He'll get help."

"Jack wasn't there, he isn't there. I need to go, I need to get my baby"

"Does Jack know?"

"Does Jack know what?" Ronnie looked at her like she crazy, not understanding

"Does Jack know what's happened Ronnie? Where's James?"

"He doesn't know, I can't tell him, I can't. I just need to go home, I need to go home and get my baby, I need to get him help. Jack will be home soon, he'll be home and I need to get James help before. I'll take him to the hospital, because they can get him warm can't they? They'll warm him up won't they Carla?

She pulled on her coat, intent on getting her son help. She knew, in her heart that it was too late but she couldn't bring herself to believe it, because if she believed it she had nothing.

"Ronnie, he's dead, James' dead" Carla pulled at her sister in law, trying pulling her into her arms as she stumbled, her legs no longer carrying the weight of her body as she collapsed. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" Carla's voice broke with emotion as she spoke, the thought of Ronnie cradling her dead son tore at her heart, she wouldn't cry though. She would hold it together because Carla was the only person Ronnie didn't have to be strong for. She could fall apart and Carla would help pick up the pieces time after time.

Ronnie sobbed and sobbed in Carla's arms as they sat on her kitchen floor, leaning against the kitchen counter. She cradled the broken woman in her arms, whispering words of love and comfort.

She knew that in a while, they'd have to sort out the mess she had left back in London. But for now, Ronnie's world could come crashing down into a thousand pieces and it wouldn't matter because Carla was there. And she'd help to put them back together. The cracks would still show, but the glue would be strong enough to keep them up.


End file.
